Relocating anxiety

"There are two types of people. There's the one who work themselves up and worry. Someone's already smiling. Eventually, the subject of their worry totally consumes them and probably blows it out of proportion. And I'm not talking about you! Then there's those who are rather carefree and every little thing is a distraction." I've paraphrased it but that was kinda how Brett started off the final message, Relocation, of our Freedom series. That someone he was referring to would be me...Funny that!

Before Brett spoke, Vania shared a testimony with us about casting her worries unto God and not doing the worrying herself. Then Brett spoke and something in me just started stirring.

With this week being exam week and cafe coming up on Sunday, I've just been my usual stressed self. There never seems to be enough time for me to study and I'm worried about failing and having to repeat subjects next semester. Then there's cafe. I'm really struggling to get people to help and it's starting to frustrate me! Coz I'm so busy I'm worried that cafe won't get the attention it needs and I'm worried it'll be crap. And me being me, I put all these expectations on myself and that in turn creates more worry.

So all this was going through my head as I was listening to Brett and it was hard to stay focused. My heart just got heavier and heavier as the nite went by. I've recently come to realise just how bad my stressing gets and why I actually allow myself to do so.

I'm one to not handle uncertainty well. I need things black and white and not grey! When I lose control of a situation, stressing my way of staying in control of something. And as years have gone by it's gotten worse and worse to the point where I actually start to feel sick! And letting go of that control and relocating the struggle, stress and worry to God is hard for me to do. I've been able to do it occasionally (the Melb trip would be a great example) but it's still a constant battle I have with God and myself.

However, a good thing happened last nite! As we responded to Brett's message by communion, meditation and worship I parked myself by the meditation corner and had some one on one time with God. The lovely Marilyn was in the meditation area too. After the service she came over and asked if I was all good and of course I said yes! There's that wall going up again but then she asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about and to my surprise I actually opened up about cafe! So, I think this series has served part of it's purpose with me. There's still other areas in which I need to work on but that was a start...