Tuesday, April 15, 2008

"Jean time"

Well, it wouldn't be news that I am no good at taking time out for myself. I'm often more worried about getting things done, what's the next big thing that I need to complete, who needs a babysitter..and the list goes on.

Over the last few mentoring sessions, 'taking time out for Jean' has been on the list of things to do but to no avail...At the back of my mind I know that it is of some importance that I am able to carve out time in my crazyness to just chill on my own. But it is often something that I let fall by the way side. I find it easier to make up excuses of why I don't need to take time out for me.

As part of something for me to work towards, I was to put aside 1hr a week to myself. The good news is, I managed to drive myself to Howick beach on Sunday arvo and spent a good hour singing, getting some mentoring homework done and just watching the waves break on the beach from my car. (It was an extremely gloomy and windy day, filled with showers-for those that don't reside in Auckland).

I must say, prior to getting to the beach I was rather nervous about the idea of spending an hour with myself. I wasn't quite sure what I'd do or how I'd entertain myself for a whole hour. I don't often do well or chose to do things on my own. I tend to enjoy intimate company with a small number of ppl. But once I got there, put some good music on and started putting pen to paper, it was great.

Something else that caught my attention during the last mentoring session, (aside from sensing some frustration for my lack of want to express how I was feeling besides one or two words, that is) was my lack of attention to how and why I view or do certain things. I've never quite noticed what makes me tick. I got asked, "Do you think that is a problem?". Judging by the tone of the question...I'm thinking that it is.

So apart from making sure I get my 1 hr a week, I'm working on taking a bit more notice as to why I am me...

Monday, April 07, 2008


It's been a rough few weeks...

The manic-ness started the week prior to Easter with the first of 3 assessments. I did surprisingly well as it was a pretty nervy time, with it being the first assessment of the year and a new lecturer as well as a harder, more challenging work load. This happened on Maundy Thursday.

On Good Friday, I had to start on the prep necessary for a friend's wedding that was taking place the following day. It was pretty full on as it was also the weekend that cession put on Stations of the Cross (an art and media installation that tells the story of Easter). The good thing was that I was able to leave the setting up of our station to my other friends and concentrate on the wedding prep. But I made sure that I was well and truly done so that I could make it to the Prayer Walk prior to the service later that nite.

Saturday rolled round and it was pretty crazy but was definitely glad it was over. To the credit of my brilliant helpers, it went rather smoothly and not a lot for me to complain or pick on. A rather successful job done! (Enjoy this...it doesn't come around often!).

After the wedding it was off to a friends birthday do which fortunately didn't last too long. I was pretty over it by the early evening. But it was still good to chill out with some decent company before heading home to hit the sack.

Easter Sunday was a rather LONG day with our first ever morning service. It was still a little bit of a sleep in but after the weekend I just had it was not long enough! So after the morning service, it was lunch with mom and dad then back to church to mind the doors for our last gallery opening which then extended to the evening service. It was rather low key and after 40mins or so, I had to go if I were to make it home without falling asleep behind the wheel.

The next 2 days involved me getting ready for my practical assessment which was to happen on Wed. It;s the first assessment that I'd ever felt SO worried about and I was right to be that worried...For the first time in 4 yrs, I failed one of the items which requires me to do a resit with the maximum mark able to be obtained is 50%. It was hard and I'm still struggling with that...I still try to not think about it until I have to when the resit day comes around.

This happened on a day that I was supposed to be celebrating my 4 yrs of being in NZ. Needless to say, it wasn't a very good day!

After that rather demoralising day, I had to get my butt into gear and get a 1500word assignment started and done before the following Mon, which was when it was due. I was able to get it done in 2 days flat...

After the assignment was done, I thought I was finally able to relax for a bit before the whole assessment season started again but I thought wrong! My body decided it would get sick the following day instead of hanging out til the holidays to get sick...

So this last week has seen me a real grump. Instead of being sick for a few days, I've been sick for a week and a half now and am only just starting to recover...Kinda frustrating for miss perfectionist here!

It's also been rather discouraging to see that my body can't handle as much abuse as it used to. I guess, it is probably a good thing but when you are so dependant on the rush of constant adrenalin pumping through you, it's hard to have to slow down.

But yea, so that's just a little update of the past few weeks...Hopefully things start looking brighter this week. :)