First impressions were anything but good
In due time that changed
There was nothing but amazement, awe
Seized it has not.
When all but happiness consumes you
It seems that pain is mine, too
Can I please help ease the that load?
Compassion, forgiveness
Lessons you have taught me.
Amazing is what best describes you...
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
clearer mind/growing up
Since finishing up at uni, the lower stress levels have definitely been evident but even more surprising is how much that has effected my how I process things. When I look back to the this previous term at uni, I guess I have noticed a slightly more mature side of me;one that is more in tuned with herself mentally, physically and emotionally. Kinda cool but at the same time I find it odd (prob because this is a totally new and uncharted are before).
What do I mean? Well, let me elaborate...
The old me used to get really worked up and pissed off when I'd get last minute notice to cancel previously organised plans. No matter how valid the reason for cancelling on me would be, I'd still find something to justify my anger. The old me would never handle not planning anything and functioning on spontaneity created more stress to my already high stress life. I could quite literally feel the stress build up within me. The old me was very oblivious to what was happening around me; I was very absorbed with me.
Since my stress levels have significantly lowered, I've been much more aware of me; how differently I react and deal in various situations and with people. Don't get me wrong, occasionally I am still very much me and get so highly strung that there is no way of rationalising anything with me!
Anyhow, I digress. There have been a few occasions over this past few weeks where I've had ppl stand me up at the last minute and I have surprised myself. Instead of my initial reaction being one that is pissed off, it has been one that is forgiving and understanding. And that has been ok. I have also not minded that my last few weeks have not been planned out and I'm taking every few days at a time (now, expecting me to take ONE day at a time is a little too much to ask for at this stage!).
Being in tune with myself physically is one I prob struggle with most. I am a head strong, exceptionally independent and stubborn wee person. Having been a gymnast for many years and now a chef as well as growing up in the family/ culture that I have, the idea of just 'getting on with it' and 'harden up' is what it is. That has been my life forever and very often still is. However, I've been having to battle a rather large injury this past year and a lot of the time I block out the pain and 'get on with it' much to my detriment. But since I've had SO much time on my hands, it's been on my mind more often than I'd like. I have yet to learn to stop and give my back a break but I have definitely been more aware of the discomfort it is causing.
An area where I have been kinder to myself is allowing myself to be angry, happy, sad or whatever I feel; not feeling happy just because that is what I'm suppose to feel. I am allowing myself to just be and it's ok...Friends have been great at helping me with this too. I have received very timely txts at times inviting me to just chill with them and it's just been what I've needed; to get out of the house away from my parents and be with ppl whom I know won't judge me.
It's been good to have this time off, for the most part. The only thing that makes this period of rest suck is the lack of money. It is otherwise a very much enjoyed experience and will continue to enjoy every minute of it while it lasts. At least I'll be very ready and prepared for work when I do start! :)
What do I mean? Well, let me elaborate...
The old me used to get really worked up and pissed off when I'd get last minute notice to cancel previously organised plans. No matter how valid the reason for cancelling on me would be, I'd still find something to justify my anger. The old me would never handle not planning anything and functioning on spontaneity created more stress to my already high stress life. I could quite literally feel the stress build up within me. The old me was very oblivious to what was happening around me; I was very absorbed with me.
Since my stress levels have significantly lowered, I've been much more aware of me; how differently I react and deal in various situations and with people. Don't get me wrong, occasionally I am still very much me and get so highly strung that there is no way of rationalising anything with me!
Anyhow, I digress. There have been a few occasions over this past few weeks where I've had ppl stand me up at the last minute and I have surprised myself. Instead of my initial reaction being one that is pissed off, it has been one that is forgiving and understanding. And that has been ok. I have also not minded that my last few weeks have not been planned out and I'm taking every few days at a time (now, expecting me to take ONE day at a time is a little too much to ask for at this stage!).
Being in tune with myself physically is one I prob struggle with most. I am a head strong, exceptionally independent and stubborn wee person. Having been a gymnast for many years and now a chef as well as growing up in the family/ culture that I have, the idea of just 'getting on with it' and 'harden up' is what it is. That has been my life forever and very often still is. However, I've been having to battle a rather large injury this past year and a lot of the time I block out the pain and 'get on with it' much to my detriment. But since I've had SO much time on my hands, it's been on my mind more often than I'd like. I have yet to learn to stop and give my back a break but I have definitely been more aware of the discomfort it is causing.
An area where I have been kinder to myself is allowing myself to be angry, happy, sad or whatever I feel; not feeling happy just because that is what I'm suppose to feel. I am allowing myself to just be and it's ok...Friends have been great at helping me with this too. I have received very timely txts at times inviting me to just chill with them and it's just been what I've needed; to get out of the house away from my parents and be with ppl whom I know won't judge me.
It's been good to have this time off, for the most part. The only thing that makes this period of rest suck is the lack of money. It is otherwise a very much enjoyed experience and will continue to enjoy every minute of it while it lasts. At least I'll be very ready and prepared for work when I do start! :)
Saturday, November 22, 2008
2 weeks out and...
...I'm entertaining myself rather well and keeping pretty sane. I'm also loving the stress free nature I'm currently in!
Initially I was rather apprehensive about finishing up at uni and trying to figure out what was happening with full time work, if I had any at all, and just trying to plan my life over the remaining months of the year and through to early next year.
I didn't have any full time work lined up, got stuffed around with what part time work I had and just figuring out how much time off I was gonna give myself. But as I have been proven to time and time again that as a door closes another will open in due time. And I now have a full time job lined up at a new restaurant that is due to open mid-Dec/ early Jan. In the mean time...
First week out of uni was interesting. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself but I managed to fill it up with stuff to do-fun and relaxing but nonetheless entertaining. I was able to catch up with a friend from UK that was passing through for a few days. It was nice to see her again. I actually also managed to see her when I was in Melb. We both happened to be in Melb at the same time and decided to catch up. I got to watch Rhys and Raegan for the afternoon, too. This was interesting...after that arvo, Kristen may not let me take them again! But seriously, they were a blast! The remainder of the week included another session at yoga with a new found friend! and a quiz nite with some friends.
For the past 5 weeks, a certain somebody and I have been going to these yoga sessions that is performed in a heated room (~40C) for 90mins. It has been blast! I've started seeing results already. Now to tell you a little more about this certain somebody...No! It's not a boy that I've recently met...
Now, Monique is a pretty amazing individual. I originally met her as my podiatrist. I was referred to her by my osteo who was at his wits end bout my back as it just wasn't getting any better. I was seeing her for a while. One day she suggested that maybe I look into trying some yoga to see if it'd help my back. I politely said' "Yea, sure I'll look into it" but fully was just gonna do that and no more. But she then finished her email by saying, "If you're keen, let me know and I'll come along". I was pretty blown away!
Here's someone that I barely knew but was willing to go the extra mile, beyond her call of duty, to be that support system. And so I agreed (not that she had to push very hard. I always thought she was lovely!). We'd see each other once a week for yoga and started to really get to know each other a bit more. And just last week, I asked if I could cook for her and her partner; kinda as a thank you but also get to know each other more.
Last nite was THE nite. I stressed about it all day but it was a blast! Well, I thought it went down fairly well anyway. They seemed to enjoy it and they were both just such great ppl. The nite was just filled with such buzz and laughter...
Anyhow, so week 2. This week has been slightly busier than last, which has been nice. Dance classes are getting a little more intense as we have our end of year show next Sunday. So it was class as usual on Mon and we have an extra class tomoz. I also managed to start on the flowers that I have to make for Becs' wedding cake. It was good to have help, considering it took 3 of us 4 hrs to make 100 buds! And that's just the first part of many...2 yoga classes instead of 1. We decided to up the pace and hopefully try for 3 sessions a week at some point. Then it was dinner last nite and supposed work today. However, considering the current economic down turn...I got the day off! It's been good to get a few things done but not cool for the pocket.
The next few weeks prior to starting are just going to be a matter of staying busy, keeping myself entertained but yet still taking time to chill. I've been rather good at that and so lets hope I can keep it up.
Initially I was rather apprehensive about finishing up at uni and trying to figure out what was happening with full time work, if I had any at all, and just trying to plan my life over the remaining months of the year and through to early next year.
I didn't have any full time work lined up, got stuffed around with what part time work I had and just figuring out how much time off I was gonna give myself. But as I have been proven to time and time again that as a door closes another will open in due time. And I now have a full time job lined up at a new restaurant that is due to open mid-Dec/ early Jan. In the mean time...
First week out of uni was interesting. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself but I managed to fill it up with stuff to do-fun and relaxing but nonetheless entertaining. I was able to catch up with a friend from UK that was passing through for a few days. It was nice to see her again. I actually also managed to see her when I was in Melb. We both happened to be in Melb at the same time and decided to catch up. I got to watch Rhys and Raegan for the afternoon, too. This was interesting...after that arvo, Kristen may not let me take them again! But seriously, they were a blast! The remainder of the week included another session at yoga with a new found friend! and a quiz nite with some friends.
For the past 5 weeks, a certain somebody and I have been going to these yoga sessions that is performed in a heated room (~40C) for 90mins. It has been blast! I've started seeing results already. Now to tell you a little more about this certain somebody...No! It's not a boy that I've recently met...
Now, Monique is a pretty amazing individual. I originally met her as my podiatrist. I was referred to her by my osteo who was at his wits end bout my back as it just wasn't getting any better. I was seeing her for a while. One day she suggested that maybe I look into trying some yoga to see if it'd help my back. I politely said' "Yea, sure I'll look into it" but fully was just gonna do that and no more. But she then finished her email by saying, "If you're keen, let me know and I'll come along". I was pretty blown away!
Here's someone that I barely knew but was willing to go the extra mile, beyond her call of duty, to be that support system. And so I agreed (not that she had to push very hard. I always thought she was lovely!). We'd see each other once a week for yoga and started to really get to know each other a bit more. And just last week, I asked if I could cook for her and her partner; kinda as a thank you but also get to know each other more.
Last nite was THE nite. I stressed about it all day but it was a blast! Well, I thought it went down fairly well anyway. They seemed to enjoy it and they were both just such great ppl. The nite was just filled with such buzz and laughter...
Anyhow, so week 2. This week has been slightly busier than last, which has been nice. Dance classes are getting a little more intense as we have our end of year show next Sunday. So it was class as usual on Mon and we have an extra class tomoz. I also managed to start on the flowers that I have to make for Becs' wedding cake. It was good to have help, considering it took 3 of us 4 hrs to make 100 buds! And that's just the first part of many...2 yoga classes instead of 1. We decided to up the pace and hopefully try for 3 sessions a week at some point. Then it was dinner last nite and supposed work today. However, considering the current economic down turn...I got the day off! It's been good to get a few things done but not cool for the pocket.
The next few weeks prior to starting are just going to be a matter of staying busy, keeping myself entertained but yet still taking time to chill. I've been rather good at that and so lets hope I can keep it up.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Anti-climax
Well...I did say in my last post that you prob wouldn't see any updates for a while and so I kept my promise! Since coming back from Melb it was full steam ahead on the uni front. 7 weeks of madness & it has now come to an end...Really, it is very much an anti-climax.
I start to wonder as to how I am gonna fill my day when I get up in the morning! There's almost no reason anymore, what am I gonna occupy my mind stressing about? Crazy, I know but are you really surprised?
Anyhow, it's been nice to actually have a bit of a break. (And yes, you heard right!). I was actually very much looking forward to this time of the year when all the assignments and assessment would just stop and I can finally just take a deep breathe and enjoy that sweet smell of victory; victory of surviving another 2 yrs of being a poor student, enduring assignments and assessments.
I went to pick up my remaining assigngments and to get my feedback from my final buffet and didn't do too badly. I managed to top the class in the actual buffet presentation with a 95%. I was rather pleased but there were still things I wasn't happy with. But that is another post altogether! :) I will put photos up of my buffet once I can get onto my Photobucket page. It's been playing up.
Til then!
I start to wonder as to how I am gonna fill my day when I get up in the morning! There's almost no reason anymore, what am I gonna occupy my mind stressing about? Crazy, I know but are you really surprised?
Anyhow, it's been nice to actually have a bit of a break. (And yes, you heard right!). I was actually very much looking forward to this time of the year when all the assignments and assessment would just stop and I can finally just take a deep breathe and enjoy that sweet smell of victory; victory of surviving another 2 yrs of being a poor student, enduring assignments and assessments.
I went to pick up my remaining assigngments and to get my feedback from my final buffet and didn't do too badly. I managed to top the class in the actual buffet presentation with a 95%. I was rather pleased but there were still things I wasn't happy with. But that is another post altogether! :) I will put photos up of my buffet once I can get onto my Photobucket page. It's been playing up.
Til then!
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