My personal DNA

Since everyone was doing this I thought I'd do it too. So here are my results...

I am an Independent Curator.

Randomness

This past few weeks have been hard for me; a combination of being busy, not enough sleep, people pissing me off etc etc etc and in the midst of all this I've been struggling to hear God. This isn't anything new as I'm still on this journey of discovery-figuring out how He speaks to me and how I hear Him. So when you're in the middle of absolute crap hole, you kinda wanna be able to hear His voice of guidance, comfort, love. I want exactly that but I just can't seem to find it. In the midst of all of the crap going on, I tried to make sense of it all and this was what I came up with...

Made in your image
Yet so far from perfect
A concept so hard to grasp
But continually try to make sense of

Struggling to understand
The mysterious ways in which you work
A conclusion hard to make
Thus none is drawn

Longing to hear your voice
In the good times
And especially in the bad
But the arduous journey continues

I made it through 2 years!

March 26, 2006 was my 2nd year anniversary of having survived being in NZ. What an extraordinary 2 years it has been and how quickly it has flown by...

For those that I keep in touch with quite frequently (whether overseas or in NZ), what I'm about to put on this post won't be anything new. But for those that I haven't had that opportunity, this will be a good chance for you to have a bit of an insight of what I've been up since being in NZ.

I'll start with uni. I'm currently in my final semester. If I don't screw up, I'll be graduating with a Diploma in Culinary Arts in June later this year. Being the geek/nerd that I am (who would have thought, eh?!), I'm still loving being at uni and learning even more. At the moment, we are in the midst of completing the Patisserie component of this semester. After the Easter break we'll finish up with the Hot Kitchen component. Though it is some what exciting that I will be finishing up my studies and heading into the real world, there is some reservations too. But I'm sure it'll be great. I'm definitely looking forward to never having to hand in assignments anymore! They suck, big time...

A kinda flow over from uni is work. At the moment I work at Celsius gastrobar. It is a restaurant/pub that opens 7 days a week from 12-3am. I've been there since before Christmas last year and I'm enjoying it. Though I haven't learnt much in terms of new items of food, I have gained some valuable speed during service. I enjoy that rush of adrenaline. Sounds crazy, I know, but I guess you have to be in the industry to know what I mean.

So what's in stored for after I'm out of uni? I don't know... The only person that can answer that questions would be God himself. Some ideas I have are to just hang round NZ til this time next year. During that time I'll be working, gaining experience and building up my CV. Then when March 26, 2007 rolls round I'll be putting in my application for a NZ citizenship. Why? Because on a NZ passport, it'll be a heck of a lot easier to work in Europe, USA, Canada etc rather than on a Malaysian passport. I know I'll never hear the end of it from my Aussie mates but what can you do? I've had to endure it for 2 yrs now so I'm quite immune to it.

Gym. Well, at the end of last year I finished up at Howick Gym. This was the gym I was coaching at when I first arrived back in 2004. I didn't seem to be getting along with the head coach and many of the other coaches. I received little to no support from them either. Despite having some amazing girls, I had to make the decision to leave. It was hard leaving the girls but for my own sanity I had to.

However, I am still coaching. This year I started with Botany Gym. So far it's been great. I am coaching what I've wanted to coach-girls aged about 7-9 yrs old, doing competitive gym. These girls are great! They are well behaved, talented and just an absolute joy to coach. Unfortunately I have only been able to coach them for about 7 weeks. I've had to put coaching on hold for the rest of the semester due to a nasty uni timetable. But I'll be back with a vengeance next semester. I can't wait!

How's the saxophone going? GREAT! I'm still loving it to bits. I'm hoping to get Rhett to start this band of his so I can get more practice too. Apart from that, I'm hoping to get good enough to be able to play on the worship team...But we'll see.

Last but not least, church aka cessioncommunity. This place has been my source of sanity for the past 2 yrs and will continue to be so for many more years to come. They are an answered prayer. When I first decided to move to NZ, I made a pack with God. I said that if I had to move to NZ, which I didn't want to but had to, I wanted to have a bunch of people I can call friends. And they couldn't just be acquaintances but true friends. Having gone through a phase of sifting out who my true friends really were when I first moved to Melb, this was rather high on my priority list. So I can now safely say that through being part of cession, He has answered that prayer.

At cession, I am apart of various different ministries and relationships. This year I took on the role of ministry leader to cessionchow. I have been involved with chow since I've been in NZ and have now been given the opportunity to lead this awesome ministry. It is by no means an easy task but it's a learning experience, and a good one at that. I'm looking forward to see what bigger and better things chow will get up to.

Another ministry I'm part of is cessionconnect. I have always loved singing but never had the opportunity to have lessons. But through being part of connect, I've been able to hone my singing skills and develop a real heart for worship. Authenticity is such an important factor in worship but I have never been exposed to that until I came to cession. I've always had a desire to write my own songs and being part of connect has given me that opportunity. I'm grateful to be apart of this team.

At cession, we have various cell groups that run through out the week. I have the privilege of meeting up with a great bunch of girls fortnightly. Our cell group is led by Kristen and she does an amazing job. It's somewhere where we get together to learn about His word but also keep each other accountable.

Other people that have played a significant role in my life these few years are Melissa and Sarah. Melissa has been mentoring me for about a year now. We meet on a regular basis and we basically talk about anything and everything. I feel so honoured to be in this relationship with her as she offers guidance, support and most importantly genuine love and concern for me. Nothing more I can ask for! And Sarah...Well we've known each other for bout 9 months now and we get on like a house on fire. We are so different yet so similar. Aside from being each other's friend, we are accountability partners. We check up on each other regularly, making sure neither of us are about to kill ourselves. We are also there for each other to off load on, having a shoulder to cry on and to share good times together.

So, it's been another eventful year filled with many ups and equal amount of downs. Keep checking up on the blog for any latest news! Here's to another crazy year to look forward to.

Undeserved favour

This post is for those who were both looking forward to reading what I have to say and those who were surprised that I didn't blog about this topic sooner. (You know who you are.....)

So the series continues...This week it was The Devoted Life: They devoted themselves to GRACE. Brett delivered an awesome message so much so that it hit a bit too close to home. But that was a good thing.

There are many ways of describing grace. The rather popular one is God's Riches At Christ's Expense but one that I much prefer is grace described as undeserved favour. I just think that it sums up the whole idea of grace quite well.

Brett narrowed down the different types of people and put us into 3 groups: the sensualists, the perfectionists/control freak & idealists. And he then went on to expand on how each group falls into the trap of mis-using grace.

Sensualists have this concept of grace being for them and them alone. And the existence of grace is for their pleasure and it's something that they feel. So these people tend to fall into the trap of intepreting everything they feel grace even if it isn't. I don't really connect with this concept of mis-using grace coz that's just me. But the group I fall into, which wouldn't surprise those who know me one bit, would be the perfectionist/control freak.

For me, I guess it is partly personality and partly cultural. Coming from a culture that is traditionally poor and having had to work for everything they wanted, it's been drummed into me that I shouldn't expect to get everything I want just coz I wanted it. I have to work for it, earn it. And being a perfectionist, it's the same. I earn what I want, I work for what I want. You don't receive anything just coz you think you deserve it. And put perfectionism and culture together into me, it's a double dose of madness.

With God's grace being something that is not earn, it's a tricky concept for me to grasp. Grace is something that we don't deserve yet we have been given it because He loves us enough. When things are fine and dandy, I find it hard to accept grace but it's even harder when things aren't going so well. But how grace works is a complicated matter. To receive grace you have to show grace but to show grace you have to receive grace.

Crazy, I know! So how do you go about this crazy-ness? Well, it's a constantly learning curve for me. I'm part of various relationships with various people and in these relationships it's where I have been given guidance to learn to accept grace for what it is and also to give it.

As for how idealist mis-use grace, check out Rhett's blog. He posted a really good post on this.

Take 2

I hate computers! My first attempt at this post took me 1 hour to write and the stupid computer decided to delete it so this won't be as good as the first one I wrote...but I'll try. So here goes.

Lately my head has been filled with a billion thoughts running around my head at a billion miles per hour. So I thought I'd best put it down on paper (well, metaphorically) and try to makes sense of it all.

Last nite those at cessioncommunity had the pleasure of hearing Mr Frank Ritchie speak. He did an amazing job speaking on the topic of The Devoted Life: They devoted themselves to community. It came from a person so passionate about community that he was a great choice to bring that message (not that Melissa & Brett don't already do an amazing job but it's nice to have some change every now and then). So who better to bring that message to us than Frank, himself?!

As Frank brought us the message, there were two things that stuck with me-the aspect of love within the community and how that play a part in the way we interact (directly and indirectly)with those around us each day.

I'm sure that many of us know people that struggle to find God and his love. And you endeavour to help them out by praying for them, helping them sieve through possible problems etc etc but have you ever asked the question, "How much apart of a community are you?" or "What selfless act have you done for someone today?". As funny a question as that may seem, I am being quite serious.

When you find yourself in a bad space, you may think that the best thing for yourself at the moment is to solve your problem and you'll be sweet and be able to go on. That however, isn't usually the case. Personally, what I have found to work is to show someone else some love and that satisfaction you get from giving love normally speeds up the process of you getting out of that bad space coz you are in turn receiving love. Thus feeling much better and being able to show more love to others. This may seem a little tricky for you to understand but it all comes back to the idea that if you want to receive love you first have to give it. For this to happen, you have to be part of a community because it is not a one way thing between me, myself & I but rather a multi-person (if that's a word) interaction.

God is love and we are created in His image, therefore we should be love! So to answer your question, "Where do I find God and his love?"...in each other.

So I've completed the Network Course. Network is a course that one would take part in if you are interested in finding out what your spiritual gifts are. However, don't expect to find a clear cut answer once you've finished the course coz that's not how it works. The way it works is to eliminate the ones that are definitely not your gifts, narrow down the possible ones and explore them.

Each believer is given at least one gift so it is very possible to have more than one. After the course you go through coaching to keep exploring your possible gifts and help them develop so you can use them in ministry to better serve others. The purpose of spiritual gifts is to honour God and edify others so it is a requirement to use your gift to serve others and glorify Him.

I really enjoyed the course. So what are my gift(s)? Well, I'm still kinda not very sure bout some but others it's quite clear. I ended up with

1. Administration (no surprise there!)
2. Helps (I enjoy lending an extra hand every now and then)
3. Encouragement
4. Craftsmanship (not quite sure how it fits in but quite possible)
5. Leadership (This one was 5th on my list but Brett said to keep exploring it to see where that fits in with ministry)
6. Hospitality, Giving, Teaching (all were pass no. 5 on the list but should be looked at)

Was a great time all in all but am looking forward to the coaching even more! Should be interesting, to say the least.

chow has been low on team members lately and this issue has been on my prayer list every nite and day. Last nite this prayer was answered! The Venter's have been coming along to cession for a few months now and I think have decided to stick around. Sean is a bit of a foodie, so I've been told, and last nite he volunteered to be part of chow. What was so great was that I didn't have to ask him and make him feel obligated to be part of chow. He actually came up to me and asked to be part of the team. I was so grateful!

Because this has been an issue for me and the team for a while now (and will probably continue to be one as cession continues to grow) I was starting to get really frustrated and discouraged. But last nite really reassured me that He is good, His plan is perfect and I shouldn't have to worry. And also, cession seems to be the place that whenever there is a need for positions to be filled, people turn up. So I just have to trust that, in His time, I will have a complete team.

At ECW, we've been exploring the Life Stories of Jesus. In the first week we took a look at The Parables of the Mustard Seed and the Yeast and yesterday The Parable of the Sower. So far it's been good. I'm really enjoying this series.

So why, out of the blue, am I blogging about a message during 10am? Well, there was something in the scripture that caught my eyes/ears during the readings. We read from Matt 13:1-22 but the verse that did it for me was v.15 "For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them".

One of the many tell tale signs that you are a gymnast is very heavily calloused palms due to the friction that occurs while training on the apparatus. The more you train the harder the callouse gets and you kinda don't get to see the bottom of your palm again til the much desired rip happens!

How does a gymnast's palm relate to Matt 13:15? Well, this is how I see it...There are seasons in our life that we may go our own way and in situations like this, tend to harden our hearts to what God might be trying to say to us. First is starts of as a conscious effort to close our ears to His voice and our eyes to His guidance then it eventually becomes natural and you don't even have to try coz you just don't hear or see Him anymore. Like the callouse building up on a gymnast's palm, first you have to tough it out and just train through the pain while the callouse builds up but soon it's hard enough that even if it hurts you don't feel the pain anymore (til it rips!). But if we decide to soften our hearts, change our attitudes and be wiling to be mould by Him, your eyes begin to see what He wants you to see and you ears begin to hear what He is trying to tell you.

Wiring

I caught up with my second mom earlier in the week and, though short, it was still nice to see how she and the rest of the family were. Somehow, we got onto the topic of the book I was reading on perfectionism, Perfecting Ourselves to Death by Richard Winters and I got told off for not updating the blog on the book. So this is what this post will be about...

All-or-nothing thinking underlies many of the features if unhealthy perfectionism. That line kinda sums me up quite well. I like things in black and white. I hate it when it's grey coz there are so many possibilities. And I get very anxious in situations like that because of the varying possibilities, there is also more chance of getting something wrong. Being a perfectionist, getting something wrong is not an option.

There's always this constant worry about people judging you (though many a times they probably aren't). This thinking revolves around the want and need to please others, keeping them happy. This comes down to the reason why perfectionist do what they do-control.

Unhealthy perfectionism stems from many different sources-broken homes, controlling & unreasonable parents, constant change of environment and the list goes on. In situations like these the potential perfectionist is not in control. This creates angst and a need to be in control. As time goes by, as the need for control increases the potential of becoming an unhealthy perfectionist increases, too. Unless the potential perfectionist addresses this issue early on, it does get worse and becomes harder to reverse the cycle (though it is possible).

Updates from Melbourne

Well I've had a rather long and tiring week but it's been made better by some fantastic news...

1. My friends, the Pywell's, had a recent addition to their already lovely family. On Thursday, Feb 23, baby Owen was born. He's brother to Leia. I'm very sad that I am not able to be in Melbourne to share with this lovely event. Unlike Owen, I was able to spend time with Leia when she was born coz I spent the weekend with Matt & Felicity the weekend of Leia's birth. Like many in Melbourne, the Pywell's have a special place in my heart. I came to know Matt through gym and Felicity through Matt. Since I've known them, they've always been so loving and constantly have their home open to me (especially when I was at the boarding house). So guys, congratulations and I really wish I was able to see Owen.
2. Rumour has it that Katherine, my room mate from Yr 12, is making a trip across the Tasman to visit me in June!!! I'm so excited. We haven't seen each other in 2 years and though we catch up over the phone on a regular basis, it's just not the same. This visit will mean a lot to me-she'll be my first visitor, it's Kath's first overseas trip & it will partly make up for my trip to Melbourne that didn't happen back in Nov. I'm also looking forward to her meeting the friends I have made in NZ, especially the cession ones!
3. Bin[ni], a friend from BUGS gymnastics, might also be making a trip to NZ later in the year. Another little something to look forward to!

I just thought I'd share a little good news from my end of the world...Au revoir.

Devoted to Scripture

So we started our Lent series: The Devoted Life yesterday and it was good. The nite was filled with good food, crazy videos, great worship and a fab message. And I got roped in to sharing (see last post for the testimony, it's been re-jigged) and I guess it went as well as it possibly could, so I've been told.

We kicked off the series with a message on scripture. When we delve into scripture, we often started reading with ideas about what the passages could possibly mean (they may be right but they may also be wrong). This could be due to how you interpret the passage, you knowledge of the bible (or lack of), what others may have said about it etc etc etc. This can result in a very warped understanding of scripture and that's probably the last thing you want happening...

So what's the biggest thing you have to watch for? Context. It is extremely important to find out which context the passage you are reading is in. I guess, some things to keep in mind while reading scripture are the time frame, the culture, the belief system. These things all play a part in us understanding the scripture and where is may be heading.

If you haven't done much study on the bible, you may not know what to look for. I only did one year of very basic study back in Yr 12 so I often find it hard to grasp scripture. So, if you are someone that has done fairly minimal study, don't be discouraged. Go and seek for some clarification. Especially if you are part of a faith community/church, there will definitely be people who will be able to help you and I'm sure they'll be more than happy to hook you up with some resources!

Where nothing & no one goes unnoticed

Unbeknownst to me (til now of course), Melissa and Brett roped me into do a little sharing on Sunday nite re scripture readings. And to quote Brett, "it's just like blogging only live". Seeing as he said that, I thought I'd have a trial run here and feel free to comment on it before Sunday happens so I can make sure it's all sweet for Sunday nite.

In our daily walk, scripture reading is an area that most people struggle with. With our lives consumed by the busyness of work, uni, school, social life etc it is extremely easy to forget about His word. And I will be the first to admit that I am often guilty of that. It's so easy to say, "I'll do it later" or "I'll do it tomorrow" or variations of that sort. And soon, the thought remains a thought, instead of becoming an action, and eventually lost from the back of our mind into thin air.

So why have I decided to make scripture reading part of my "devotional life"? I guess, it one of the many ways that I tink we connect with God and also a way to get to know the scriptures better.

How have I found this process? Well, it's definitely been no walk in the park. Like anything, getting started isn't the hard bit...it's the keeping at it that's hard. But you keep pursuing it and eventually you push pastthe hard stage and it just beocme natural. However, we do have to beware of routine becoming meaningless gestures. See post on Perfect...A bad thing? Surely not.

So how do you find out what works for you and what doesn't? The answer would be: Trial and Error. There is no right or wrong way. We are all different so for each it is a different devotional, a different routine. And it is OK to experiement with diiferent routines and/or devotinals while you are searching for what works for you. It's kinda like looking for a faith community/church that works for you. You don't just settle for the first one you go to if you don't feel comfortable there. (I'm not promoting church hopping, this is just an example.)

It took me many years to find out what worked for me. Many years ago, while back in Malaysia, I started by trying to go from cover to cover and that didn't last very long. Then someone said to start from the NT and go from there and that didn't work either. So I then went off scripture readings for quite a while. The disappointment and setbacks just put me off trying again. Last year when we started our Lent series, we were each handed out a devotional journal and at the back it had a section on scripture readings. I didn't know what I wanted to give up for Lent so I thought why not take up something. So that's what I did...I started a daily routine of scripture reading using the guide from the devotional journals. It was going well in terms of keeping at it but it wasn't working out because I found it hard understanding some scriptures, especially OT scriptures. So I took a break from the devotional journal and tried The Word for Today by Rhema/((Life Fm)). I enjoyed that coz it made scripture easy to understand and applicable to daily living. I was using that for about 6-9 months. And bout a month or so ago, I decided to go back to the devotional journal and it's been going well. It took a while to get back into but I've found my groove.

So what results have I seen in myself? With doing anything on a regular basis, you have to be accountable to yourself. So by making sure I do my readings on a regular basis, it’s had a snowball effect into the other areas of my life. Some of the things I do are scheduling time to get homework done, take time out for myself, getting enough time to practice my sax etc. But more importantly, it’s helped with getting to know the scriptures better and being Christ to those around me.

I'd like to leave you with a challenge: If you don't already have a routine set in place for scripture readings, find one that works for you. And don't be discouraged if it takes a while to find something that works. When you do, it'll be well worth it!

Be light

I wasn't gonna write this post coz Rhett did an amazing job (& beat me to it) but he said that I still should write it, which is why I am doing so. However, it'll be hard for me to do as good a job as he's done.

So we started a new series 2 Sundays ago called Re:Imagine and it's probably the most important series for the year-a vision casting series. We looked back on the past and how far we've come as a community, why we are called what we are called, our values and also looking into the future. It was great!

It is constantly being preached that we should be salt and light to those around us. Week in, week out it's the same message (directly or indirectly) and after a while all you tend to hear is nothing more than merely blah blah blah blah blah. However, there was something different about Brett's message on the first week.

Culture is probably the biggest cause (but don't quote me on this) of churches not working out. People end up leaving because the elders don't want to change their ways and this can also mean that people don't even end up coming to church in the first place. Church culture is a big no no when wanting to grow.

cession is such a community based and community focused "church" and I think that's what makes it so beautiful (in more ways than one). We are called cessioncommunity and not cession church because we want to break down those cultural barriers that have been put up over the years. When we invite people to cession, we want them to come with an open mind and, hopefully, without any pre misconceptions about what cession might be like.

Another way that we help break those cultural barriers is by providing a free meal before the service every week. As the leader of the ministry that provides the meal each week, I feel very honoured to be able to serve the community in this manner. It is also incredibly rewarding when you see a new face and/or someone that normally wouldn't even set foot in a church come. Even if they just come for the meal and not stay for the service, that in itself is already a huge win.

Then there is the whole community-ness about cession. No one and nothing goes unnoticed. Where help is needed, it is provided. Where love is needed (emotional support in times of need that is), it is given unconditionally. Where there is something to celebrate, it is celebrated. Where honesty is required, it is given without beating round the bush.

These are one of the many ways that as a community we try our very best each day to be light-not just within cession but especially with the people we interact with outside of cession. As we minister to those around us, we want to reflect and offer Christ.

Perfect...A bad thing? Surely not!

In the midst of winding down after a hectic shift at work, I remembered something I read a while ago from Perfecting Ourselves to Death. This was written in relation to Lexus:

"Relentless pursuit of perfection. The only thing car experts fond to criticize is that is is so smooth, quiet & perfect....it lacks soul"

This excerpt is from Chp 1, which means that I read it sometime last year and I didn't think much about it nor have I re-read that chapter ever again.

So here I am on a muggy Saturday afternoon, tired and hot, contemplating this little excerpt. I'm thinking..."I guess I've never thought about perfection from that angle before". It does make sense though.

When you start off learning something or doing something for the first time, you have to use brain power, initiative, effort and sometimes passion during the process to produce the end result. Once you've mastered the technique, it becomes routine and possibly a habit, there is no need effort or brain power. And I guess that's when the lack of soul may develop.

Which brings me to consider...the many things we put into place in our daily lives to better our walk with the Lord and become more like Him puts us in a position where we can easily do it just for the sake of doing it. We may start off full of excitement, hunger and determination but there is always a danger of what we do becoming meaningless, empty gestures.

So another area in life that I thought might be affected by perfectionism is my cooking. Sometimes I do cook just for the sake of cooking, worry excessively about the minor details that I totally lose touch with what I am actually meant to do and that is not a good thing especially when I'm on chow duty. I have to constantly remind myself why I am serving and to remember to put passion and love into what I do.

Like most things there is a positive and negative and there is a very fine line between the two. SO the challenge is to make sure that the line is never crossed...

The week that was

What a week it has been...I has quite a full on week, filled with ups and downs. Basically the week was taken up by work (4 days), attending various cession related meetings, running a million errands, house sitting & catching up with Julia and enjoying some great music at the Jazz & Blues Festival @ Mission Bay. For the most part it was a good week.

Spending the weekend with Julia was great. I hadn't seen her in a while and it was nice to catch up and just hang out. We went to the Jazz & Blues Festival on Saturday nite and I had a blast. The music was awesome. I can't wait til next year!

chow meetings were good. They are always good as we talk about how chow is going and what next steps do we take to move forward in this wonderful ministry.

Sunday, however, was probably the low point of the week. When things go according to plan most weeks, there is never any out of the drama and the atmosphere in the kitchen is generally very calm, collected and relaxed. But guess what?! This week wasn't one of them! Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong and to make matters even more interesting, I was on roster. And when the equation goes something like Jean(high stressed) + every possible thing go wrong this normally equates to Jean becoming more stressed, highly fragile & pissed off. That was exactly what happened, too.

Even though the nite was crap, the good thing was that I came away from the nite having learnt some lessons that needed to be learnt (personally and as a leader). So what did I learn?

Well.....

• Patience plays a big role in high stressed situations like Sunday nite. I had to be as nice and patient as I possibly could with others, especially those on team. I'm not one to beat round the bush when wanting to get my point across and can often come across as really rude and in your face. And when I am stressed and pissed off, I not only get straight to the point but I can be really short even if I don't mean to. So, not taking my anger out on the people around me is something that I have to be very conscious about.
• Confronting people is something I hate with such passion that I will avoid it at all cost even if it means having a crap week or being more stressed. But lovely Melissa made sure that before the nite was up I had a talk to the person I needed to talk to to try and get to the bottom of what was going on that nite. I hated having to talk to that person and still do but I did get answers that I needed, even if I didn't like them. This will be a big issue that I will continue to struggle with but I do know that taking on a position of leadership comes with its ups and downs. Unfortunately, this is a BIG down for me. And Melissa, as much as I hate what you get me to do I know that it's good for me and I will try and learn to love them... :)
• I am loved and people do care about me. I know that it shouldn't surprise me that I am surrounded by such amazing people and I can call them friends, true friends. However, I have had many bad experiences with people that I thought were friends. In these relationships I was left very hurt and scarred. As a result, I can be very cynical about people when I first meet them and get to know them. I also am very cautious about how open I am with people about me for the fear of being hurt yet again. But on Sunday, God opened my eyes and affirmed the friendships I have within cessioncommunity. I find it hard to open up to others when something isn't right and I tend to bottle stuff up. This will drag right through the week with me feeling down but, as much as I felt uncomfortable opening up, my friends made me sit down and talk to them. And I'm glad they did what they did. I do feel better. Thanx to Sarah, Liz, Melissa, Brett & Julia. I really appreciate the fact that you are so willing to hear me out and let me vent my frustrations. But you don't just listen, you offer wisdom, encouragement and love in return.

So what does this week hold for me...more meetings, work and checking out the girls that I may possibly coach this year. It looks like another busy week but I'm not complaining. I'd much rather be busy than bored. So I'm off.

Current reads

These are some of my most recent purchases and reads. I've finished one of them (90 minutes in Heaven) and am currently tackling 2 books at the same time-an easy read (the first of the Narnia books) and one that requires some thinking (Perfecting Ourselves to Death).


This is the infamous book on perfection that Melissa purchased especially for me. It is only on loan but that's cool. Like I have said in previous posts, I'm really enjoying it and it's definitely a good read if you want to understand people like me!









This book was recommended to me by Kath. She found it a really easy read and written in a way that was easy to understand, too. I am yet to start it as I am still going with the book above. I don't think I'd be able to cope reading 2 books that require brain power at the same time. But it's the next to tackle on my list.







I decided to purchase the set of Narnia books after I watch The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe at the movies. I actually watched it without having read the books. I'm still only on the first book, The Magician's Nephew and it's going well.









This book I saw whilst browsing thorough Koorong's online catalog and thought it might be interesting so I got it. I finished this book in 1 week. A nice easy read that gives you an insight to what heaven looks like. It's written by a guy that died in a car crash, went to heaven spent 90 minutes there and came back to life on earth. Insightful and enlightening.






So if you would like to have a read of any of these books, feel free to borrow them off me.

The 'secret'

This is for those of you who wanted to know what Ian's 'secret' was...

If you remember as far back as the post I wrote about the Gifts for Jesus service, you will remember me saying that Melissa offered Ian a spot on the worship team as a backing vocal. So, last nite Melissa dropped the big bomb shell! She asked if Ian was happy to go on the roster as vox in Feb. Ian was thrilled but he's decided to just head along to practices and then re-assess the situation/offer at the end of the month.

So yes, that was the big news. I am really excited for him. Who knew that he was so musical?!

Various thoughts, various topics

I hope you enjoyed the photos in the last post.

Anyway, down to business. It has been a long while since I last sat down and put my thoughts into writing-many reasons. So I thought it best to do some serious thinking and contemplating over the happenings of the last few weeks and the comings-up of weeks to come.

This past few weeks have been alright; the only exciting/out of the ordinary thing that happened was that Melissa and I started up our mentoring sessions again last week and a wedding. Other than that all that I have been up to is work, catching the rare movie with a friend & organizing stuff for chow. As you can imagine I was driving myself crazy with boredom on many occasions. I am definitely looking forward to heading back to uni in 3 weeks time.

I've been continuing my reading of Perfecting Ourselves to Death by Richard Winters and it's been going good. I'm only up to chp 7 as I've been very good with following my strict instructions of only ONE chapter a week. The further along I go in the book, the more enlightened I feel. I never knew that all the mad stuff I do and the crazy way I function had an explanation that could be put into words so that people could understand why I am the way I am. As promised, I would give you the low down as I went so here is the next installment...

He has 5 categories for perfectionists types:

• Performance perfectionists: Their motto is"I achieve, therefore I am"
• Appearance perfectionists: Their motto is "I am how I look"
• Interpersonal perfectionists: Have set ideas about how things should be done
• Moral perfectionists: Their motto is " I behave perfectly therefore I am"
• All-around perfectionists: Their motto is "I am in control therefore I am"

Funnily enough, I fall into the last category. Here's a little blurb about all-around perfectionists......"All-around perfectionists are concerned with high standards and excellence in every area of life. Performance, appearance and morality are all extremely important. The all-around perfectionist merges into what we call the obsessive personality where there is great concern about order, organization, rules and lists, and great attention to detail". It blew my mind away when I read that coz he summed me up extremely well.

Then he goes on to talk about obsessive compulsive disorders and obsessive compulsive personality. This was another part that I found really helpful. He explained the difference between OCD and obsessive compulsive personality, which is that people with OCD "do not want or like the symptoms", whereas the person with obsessive compulsive personality "does not wish to be rid of their tendencies and, in fact, thinks that they are healthy and should be emulated by others". After reading that, I have now come to realize that I have an obsessive compulsive personality. I think ALL of you would probably agree with me on that one!

Sarah and Rhett got married two Saturdays ago and it was beautiful. I had a great time and that wedding was special to me-it was the first wedding of MY friends. Before this I had been to weddings before but they didn't really mean much to me. I just got tagged along with relatives and didn't really know the bride or groom that well. This was different; it was Sarah & Rhett's. It has been a great 7 months being their friends and I'm looking forward to more fun-filled times.

We started a new series on Jan 15 called Re:ve-lation. We are exploring Jesus-who he was/is, was/is he who we are expecting? It's been hard to get my mind and keep it on the message at times coz it's just so full on. But the bits that I have been getting out of it have been good and challenging. Will fill you in when I get my head around it all.

A couple of Thursdays ago, Melissa invited me over for dinner. I was really excited and it was so worth the wait as I slogged it out at work during the day. For entree we had silverbeet, red onion and goats cheese puff pastry parcels on a bed of mesclun. For mains it was an amazing plate of roasted capsicum, courgette & aubergine served with a lamb tagine & yoghurt rice with almonds & coriander folded through. It was absolutely divine.......but fellowship was great too. Jake, Melissa & I ate and drank (great wine) all nite. I made a grapefruit curd tart for dessert. Coz there was alcohol in the mix, I crashed at their place. All in all, a FANTABULOUS nite! Thanx for cooking Melissa & thanx to both of you for the hospitality.

Next week holds a rather busy week for me. I have my saxophone lesson on Monday and then it's Mel & Ty's wedding in Hamilton on Saturday. Looking forward to that-it'll be the second of 4 weddings this year! Someone has taken the week off at work so they needed extra help therefore I am working 4 days instead of my usual 3 days. I managed to get the 'easy' shifts so it shouldn't be too bad (at least I won't be bored!).

On Feb 7, I will be checking out the girls that I might potential coach at the new gym club I am hoping to start out at. They are competitive kids between the ages of 6-9 yrs old. I was ecstatic when I heard that coz that is exactly what I've been wanting to coach for a long time. Hopefully it'll work out-the girls & me but also in terms of uni timetable.

Cell group will probably start back during the first week of Feb. I'm looking forward to that but days and times are all up in the air thanx to me with potential gym coaching and/or uni timetable. We'll see what happens.

So...only a few weeks to go before I get back into a routine. However, before that happens there is much that needs to be done so for now I bid you Adieu

Photos

I apologise for the lack of posts lately. I haven't been in the mood for writing lengthy posts but as promised, here are some photos for those in Melb & NZ. I tried to get more photos from Melb put on but they didn't seem to want to co-oporate so this will have to do for now...Enjoy



A nite out at Portofino's with the girls. From left to right: Megan, Sarah, me, Lyndsay, Lizzie & Juanita.







Last nite with the Gerten's, Ryan & Angele. They are very muchly missed by all at cession.












Ian & Aaron doing their 'thang' during the Gifts for Jesus service! They were great...amazing talent.








The meditation space.











My roomate from PLC: Katherine Vayne! I miss her heaps-we share so many memories, both great and not so great. She's grown into such a beautiful person that each time we catch up I just feel so blessed that she is part of my life! We have been through so much together that even if we tried we wouldn't be able to get rid of each other...Sorry Kath. :)






Kath & Alice Woolven (aka Woolie). Another great friend. These are the only 2 friends from PLC that I have kept in touch with! True friends....









The river of Peace Swans from the Advent Series.













A new mate! Rachel & me after service one Sunday nite. It's been great getting to know her...I'm looking forward to another great year of friendship.









Sarah my acountability partner! She's been a great mate and a real blessing to have in my life. She just got married to Rhett-great match! She's really helped me in learning to trust people more and just a fantastic person to be around. Luv ya, beautiful!







Me on the worship team. Another ministry I'm involved in-it's been great to be back singing on the team! Steve on drums, Greg on bass, Pete on electric guitar, Ryan worship leading and on acoustic guitar and Jacob & me on vox.








Sarah & me singing our song, Hope, during the Gifts for Jesus service. It's not the best photo but that's all I have and it's actually the camera's fault this time round...

Ushering in 2006

I hope that everyone had as great a time ushering in the new year as I did....

I had a rather easy week at work last week due to post X'mas and pre New Year celebrations which was really nice. At bout 10am on New Year's eve, I received an invite to the Powell/Ritchie collective for celebrations. I was stoked when I got the invite however, it did come with some added stress. I had to go get stuff for the bbq and get cleaned up before heading over. This all had to be done in the span of an hour and a half....It was all worth it though.

So we had a bbq with mostly friends from cession and a few of Melva's work mates. Then later in the evening we headed to Devonport and up Mt. Victoria with some bubbly to catch the fireworks as we welcomed in 2006. It was spectacular! What made it more special was the drive with the Powell's. They tagged along with me for the drive to and fro Devonport and I managed to get to know them even more! I was a little worse for wear by the time I got home, at 2am the next day, but I had such a good time that I was quite happy to be tired...

Anyway, so it was worship at 10am the next morning and then a Desperate Housewives party with Juanita at the Jones'. Nice relaxing nite in front of the tv...Then it was up early for work this morning. Oh well...the fun had to stop sometime.

The rest of the week will be filled with work, writing some music (my new summer project) and just hanging.

I really don't know how the music writing will pan out but we'll see. I'll keep you up to date on it.

P/S: To my Melb mates... The film has gone to the photo shop and I promise to put up some photos on the next post.

A "Mary Moment" anyone?

I just received this article from Christianity Today's Leadership Weekly. It's another take on what Melissa was preaching about last week but it's also done a fine job of trying to explain what I was trying to get across on my last post.

Christmas

Before I keep going, A Very Merry Christmas to all! It's been a very nice and relaxing day for me today one of the better Christmas'. There have been many years where there would be a big blow up between mom, dad, Ian & I during this time of the year and it's been great to not have that this year. Dad being back in Malaysia helped too.

Last nite, we at cession, had our yearly Christmas eve service and it was great. Started off with supper at 10.30pm. I was finally able to enjoy the joy of giving Christmas presents that I had been making over the past month. I had great fun making them and definitely enjoyed giving them even more. They were sitting in the lounge for a week or so and it was so hard not to spill the beans. Anyway, we then proceeded with the service at 11pm. Melissa finished off our Advent series: 10 Things I Hate About Christmas with a great message.

For the pass year, I've been trying to make sure that I am able to take something away from the messages preached every Sunday, process it and try apply it as I continue to travel on this journey we call life. And sometimes when I may not be having such a good day and not get anything, I'll ask around to find out what the message was about.

Last nite was a good nite also coz I was able to take something away from the message and have had today to process it. It hit me when Melissa share a poem by some Irish dude about prayer and justice.

Mary knew that it would cost here greatly when she was pregnant with Jesus and what would eventually happen. But she knew God enough to know that it will all be ok despite her circumstances and she was excited about Jesus' birth. If you were in her shoes, would you be as excited and at peace?

When you pray for justice, things may get over turned for the worse in the process before it all works out for the better. Are you willing to go through that time of testing that will cost you? Will you hang in there? Do you REALLY know God well enough that it will all work out for the better even though it may not seem that way at that point in time?

Change of template

Yes...I am officially an obsessive compulsive template changer. I think I've finally found one that I like rather than using a template coz there's nothing better. Anywayz, hope you like it too.